The Importance of Communication and How Can I Improve My Communication?
I want to talk about the importance of communication. So “How can I improve my communication, anyway? We all have times when communication has broken down, when we want someone to “read our mind”, but most people cannot read our minds.
So, we need to be able to talk to others about what’s going on with us, and to ask for what we want, and to let people know when they effect our feelings.
And this can be scary. It is sometimes easier to get mad at someone for not at least guessing what we want rather than be vulnerable and expose ourselves and later be rejected, possibly. But this creates intimacy, when tell our truth.
And so one of the most important skills is to communicate in a way that does not accuse or blame the other person.
Here are some important points to effective communication:
1. Identifying what you’re feeling first, and what you’re thinking, and then be able to use a language that is not blaming. That is not meant to trigger other people’s feelings.
2. The best way to do that is to use” I statements” or “I messages”, which usually go like this.
3. “I feel _____________________
when _____________________
because ___________________ . (Sometimes, it is also helpful to ask what you want instead.)
And what I would like is___________________________.”
4. An example of this is-“ I feel scared
when you drive over the speed limit
because that puts me and you in danger.
What I would like or prefer is that you would drive the speed limit, especially when I’m in the car with you.”
So, this is about not blaming, not pointing the finger, not saying you’re a terrible driver, you drive too fast, you’re going to kill us both. That just puts people on the defense, right?
And so what I’m asking you to try doing is to change up your communication system. This takes practice over time to do.
It’s always helpful for the other person to know what you would like instead, because again, they can’t read your mind. So, this builds relationships. This builds trust. This builds understanding and I really encourage you to try this communication model this week and let me know how it goes.
ALSO, a fun way to communicate with others in secret is take the 21 Day “I AM a Gift to The World!” Challenge.
You can make comments about how using I statements or I messages is improving you creating better relationships in your life. So, I also have some other tools I’ll be sharing in the future. Today’s post is an good starting point.
So, I’ll talk to you soon. Have a good week.
To Your Highest Good,
Laura Meehan
Founder and Liberator of Allowyourlighttoshine.com
Ambassador of Cure for Boredom on HowtoLiveonPurpose.com
